FIELD NOTE 2.7 - Clarity

When it comes, it comes with a torrential ache.
Today I was told my a fellow student from VCU that the university had finally announced its plans to put an end to the French major. The fact that this was said to me while studying in France made the announcement seem even more preposterous.
I had heard the rumors soon after arriving in France as well as the efforts students and faculty alike have been going to in order to make sure that French continues to be offered at VCU. Geographically removed as I am, it all seems to me like it's happening in another world, another time. And today, the coup de grâce.
So if this is true, what does it mean for me? The idea of a French degree from a potentially non-existent department makes me feel cheated.
I don't even know why I'm a French major. If I'm being completely honest with myself, I haven't ever really known. I took FREN 101 as a spur of the moment decision and now, two years later, I'm in France.
I don't know that many words and there's a lot I can't say or understand, but a world without French doesn't seem like a world I want to live in. And I don't have to. Maybe I'm studying French because I was meant to, maybe I'm supposed to actually do something with it.
Standing there on that tram thinking this I felt something I hadn't felt in a long time: clarity.

FIELD NOTE 2.6 - Papers I've been given.

Almost every day when I walk to class or make my way through Commerce I am handed something. A pamphlet of coupons, a flyer advertising a party or a cheap cell phone plan, or a long list of reasons why capitalism needs to be absolved in favor of socialism.
I always take the papers without thought, sometimes reading them, sometimes not. But those papers are just one of the things I've come to love about Nantes.
Not for what they have written on them. No, I love them because they make me forget that I'm foreign. It almost seems to me what when those papers are pushed in my hands that I am just another person living in Nantes who deserves to know what's going on and where to find the best deals.
And that's a great feeling.

FIELD NOTE 2.5 - I'm an optimist?

It's not often I'm called an optimist. More often than not people note that I am quick to point out the drawbacks of any situation. The word they use to describe this is typically "pessimist" although I prefer to think of it not as pessimism but rather a manifestation of my being a Libra.
So it came as quite a shock to me today when someone told me they wish they could be as optimistic as I was. To be honest, I wasn't quite sure how to respond.
Maybe I am being more of an optimist these days. Maybe the daily mantra of "Today is going to be a good day" is finally working. Maybe, maybe, maybe, ad infinitum...
I'll just take the compliment and say I'm an optimist. For today, at least.

FIELD NOTE 2.4 - Fire drills are a pain in every language.

I'll be honest, I thought it was a cell phone ringing. A cell phone with a very annoying ringtone.
It turns out that the annoying sound in question was actually the French fire alarm (which I doubt would even be loud enough to wake me, a light sleeper, if it went off at night so if there's a fire in my dorm, please call to make sure I got out).
So my class filed out, a train of international students surrounded by French students. To make matters worse it began raining shortly after we all assembled outside the doors and we all had to stand there for 5 minutes shivering.
So here is the first installment of my photo-a-day project: a 5 lb. lighter me shivering in the rain during a fire drill.

FIELD NOTE 2.3 - Tram rides raise my spirit.

Such a simple thing. More often than not they're packed with students going to and from school. But still I take a huge pleasure in stepping aboard the tram and riding it from Faculté where my school is to Commerce where the commercial section of Nantes is.
Stepping off the tram at Commerce is almost like stepping into a different city. All week I live my life between Bourgeonnière and Faculté - between my dorm and my classes. It's usually enough to make me believe that Nantes is composed of nothing but students. So Commerce is always a welcome reprieve because here there are people from every age bracket walking around and shopping.
Today I was on a mission to get my tram ticket. You see, I may or may not have been riding the tram without a ticket for a few days. The last time I had gone to apply for a tram pass I found myself lacking the proper documentation - the French seem to like their paperwork more than any other culture I've ever known. So today I walked in with everything in hand and walked out 10 minutes later with a tram pass and a self-esteem boost because the man who helped me (and also happened to share the same birthday as me) told me that my French was actually pretty good.
So I got back on the tram with an extra pep in my step and actually broke into a full-on smile once we passed the ashes of today's protest pyre without stopping or ending the tram line. Looks like some things are looking up.

FIELD NOTE 2.2 - An idea.

I came up with an idea today as I was forced to walk my way to class. Partially inspired by Bonnie Orzolek's telling me how her friend once took pictures of her daily trip from her apartment to the café where she would buy a daily cup of coffee and partially an attempt to ward off the last remnants of my homesickness, I've decided to begin taking at least one picture a day. It might be something random, something important, something blue. After all, I talked myself into purchasing a new camera shortly before leaving but it has been weighing down my bag ever since. I tell myself it's because I don't see anything I want to capture, but that's not it. I just don't want to make myself look like a tourist.
So I made my decision to follow through with this project. And as I went to grab my camera and capture a picture of the faces of protesters smiling and shouting over the flames, my hand came up empty. I had left my camera on my desk, forgotten in the rush to leave my room.
Ironic.

FIELD NOTE 2.1 - Progress.

The tram comes to an abrupt halt. It is 10h17. A tin-like female voice comes over the speaker telling us that at the next stop, St. Michel, the tram will be unable to continue forward because of a "manifestation" - in English this word means "protest," but here the word can only mean "setback". Class will begin at 11h00 and there are 3 tram stops between St. Michel and Facultés where my classroom is.
At St. Michel the tram stops and all the passengers begin pouring themselves out of the train and onto the platform. For a second I lose myself in the crowd, following along blindly as I make my way from platform to street, from street to sidewalk. Gradually I come back to myself in time to notice the scent of smoke is in the air and the people ahead are slowly being pelted by little bits of windblown ash. Here it is: the manifestation, three small pyres surrounded by people handing out papers and yelling at passing by cars, some of which stop and items to be unloaded and cast into the flames. I make my way through safely and with only a few pieces of charred paper on my coat.
As I keep walking I let my mind wander. I notice the trees that have already begun to send out their shoots and leaflets and one unruly hibiscus that has already chosen to set itself in full bloom.
It doesn't really set in until a few minutes after class begins that I understood the French announcement on the tram. Progress, slow but sure.
Now if only I could make some sense of my French culture class. Baby steps, I tell myself.