FIELD NOTE 5.58 - Sun worshipping.

These past few days have reached highs of the low 80's here in Nantes and, since the residence has deemed it unnecessary to turn on the air conditioning, we have been given the choice of sweating in our rooms or sweating outside. At least outside there has been a pretty steady breeze.
Today I walked down to a little field on the banks of the River Erdre where people normally sit and pass a few hours in the sun. I took a few old magazines and my iPod but after a few minutes of being unable to focus on any of the words, I just decided to lay back and close my eyes.
Lying there like that on the grass with my eyes closed I could almost forget the fact that the grass was French and I almost came to believe that I was back in King William in my own back yard. I found the fact that this wasn't true incredibly scary and incredibly sad.
Half a world away the world goes on and there are people laying in the grass. Are they pretending they are in France, I wonder. But I didn't have time to ponder this for long because my contact popped out and was lost somewhere in all the clover.

FIELD NOTE 5.57 - Simplifications.

I came here with one suitcase and one duffel bag, both of which, while full, were nowhere near the point of being crammed full.
Now I have spent the day trying to make everything I have amassed into those same pieces of luggage. The bags are now full to bursting and not everything is in them yet.
I came here thinking that I could come with just the bare essentials and that I would leave with the same. But somewhere along the way I bought coats and shirts and cardigans as I needed them and now those clothes have formed a formidable pile at the foot of my bed.
This is the way our lives grow about us, slowly until we can no longer recognize just how much we have until we lose it or the time comes to move it.
Now I'm moving mine and what won't fit will have to be left behind. I think this is what life will always be for me now: a bridge of old shirts and French magazines.

FIELD NOTE 5.56 - Packing.

Tonight I realized just how short my time is here. So few days remaining here. And so I began the process of packing away all those clothes I bought with me and all that I've accumulated here.
I've been putting it off for a while now thinking that the packing would make the ending real. The ending is real and the packing is such sad business.

FIELD NOTE 5.55 - Saturday morning with Sharon.

Life is crazy, even here in Nantes where I have no job and few commitments. But even still my friend Sharon and I haven't been able to align our schedules for weeks.
This week though Sharon finally found a time that worked for both of us: Saturday, 10AM.
Okay, truth be told this time was a little early for me after having grown accustomed to waking at noon, but I managed to get myself out of bed and down to Sharon's apartment just at 10 o'clock.
We walked down to Marché Gloriette where Sharon needed to buy some produce for a friend coming to stay for a visit. I thought it was fitting that I should spend my last Saturday in Nantes with Sharon, eating fresh chicken eggrolls in the same marché that Sharon first introduced me to 4 months ago.
Afterward I accompanied Sharon while she did laundry at a laundromat near her apartment and sat with her on the front steps of a building across the street from it while the wash cycle was in progress and Sharon altered a shirt.
Sitting there like that all I could think was that this was the most perfect way I could have spent the morning.

FIELD NOTE 5.54 - Dedication.

In the book she gave me, Ge wrote: Don't ever forget: Grande est la vie!
I now realize just how right she is.

FIELD NOTE 5.53 - Au revoir, Fées Maison.

Friday night, like every Friday night, I found myself sitting inside Fées Maison with Ben and Ge. Only this week marked the end of our Friday nights together.
And so we exchanged gifts to remember each other by. I brought them a textured silver Zippo lighter, something I knew they would use often. They gave me a "Dictionnaire des mots rares et précieux" because of my love of words. Both were perfect.
Then we began talking of wars and translations and all the sorts of things that beer renders suddenly important. At one point Ge and I went to the bathroom together. She said that she is really going to miss me.
I told her that I would miss her as well but that I was sure I would see her in the future. And as I said this, I realized it was true.
With me "I'll miss you" and "We'll stay in touch" tend to be hollow pleasantries rather than genuine sentiment. But with Ge the words are all real. The promises to write and talk will be upheld, of this I've no doubt, even though to me Fées is nothing more than a memory and a place I will probably never see again.
Realities are like this, bittersweet.

FIELD NOTE 5.52 - Café.

I sit and drink my coffee. All around me there are French people going about their lives in French as mine goes on in English talking to Darryl. And even so, I feel like I am finally beginning to be accepted here.
Figures it would come now only just in time for me to leave, but still the feeling is priceless.