FIELD NOTE 4.86 - Arroz con pollo.

Almost 4 weeks ago Elizabeth, a Venezuelan girl with whom I share most of my classes, invited me to a dinner where she would be cooking traditional Venezuelan dishes. The dinner was tonight.
I decided to stop by and dragged Darryl along with me. It was strange at first but Elizabeth made us feel comfortable, making sure we had everything we needed and then engaging us in conversation. Before I knew it I was speaking Spanish, or at least what passed for Spanish after not speaking it for nearly 3 years.
Choosing to walk back to our residence from where the dinner was being held I randomly said to Darryl, "I'm going to miss nights like this." I don't know what made me say it out loud but it was true. Now that everything's ending I realize just how much I would have liked to have connected with the other students. But there's no sense in regret and in time I might forget what might have been.

FIELD NOTE 4.85 - Catch-up.

After more than a month of failed attempts to get together and uncomfortable silences, Darryl and I finally managed to work out a night to get together and grab a beer with Ben and Ge.
It was a little awkward at first but that dissipated as we fell back into ourselves. We left Fées tonight with plans to get together again.
We did not speak of the end even though we all sensed its coming but spoke instead about what little time remains and what we can fill it with.

FIELD NOTE 4.84 - Questions and lies.

Today was my last phonetics and French history course of the semester. Never really having been in love with these classes, I was still surprised to feel pangs of sadness at their endings.
My phonetics teacher asked us all whether or not we would be staying in Nantes and if we were considering coming back to the university in the fall. When the question came to me, I hesitated and answered with just a simple "I don't know." A lie.
I know all that stuff about how bad it is to lie, but let's face it: sometimes a lie is just easier and more comfortable.

FIELD NOTE 4.83 - Fresh cut grass.

It is now officially spring here which means that lawnmowers are out in force cutting the lawns and various random patches of grass in Nantes.
This morning their area of attack was the lawns of my residence and I was woken by them at 11h12 this morning. After a 5-minute debate with myself over whether or not shoving my head under the pillow would stifle the sounds enough to let me get a little more sleep, I decided it was probably more pragmatic and I got up and rolled up the window curtain. Whatever latent hostility I may have held toward the yard men and their lawnmowers disappeared when the smell of freshly cut grass hit my nostrils.
Small things, small things.

FIELD NOTE 4.82 - Broken Things.

FIELD NOTE 4.81 - Two months.

It is to be a countdown.
I realized this today as I looked at my calendar and saw that today is 29 April, 2 months to the day from my flight back to the United States.
But whether it is a countdown to an ending or a new beginning remains to be seen.

FIELD NOTE 4.80 - Two kinds.

I have read the Amy Tan story "Two Kinds" so many times that it is no wonder that it came to mind today in class when I noticed a slight difference between myself and another student.
None of us are anywhere close to being fluent in French yet. So when we come across an unknown word or phrase we will ask the professor to explain what it means to us.
There seem to be 2 types of questioners in my classes: the kind that ask the question and are content and the kind that ask the question and don't stop asking questions about it. I count myself among the former - give me a word I don't know and I'll ask you to explain it; once you explain it I'm happy to move on and let it sink in. But there are others who come across that same word and ask what it means and once they find out start to ask question after question about it and how to use it and when it's used and why it's used until the word itself becomes forgotten and the class is completely disrupted - all this for a word that they will probably never use again.
I don't know the people like this very well but their constantly doing this makes me wonder if they are not comfortable with the unknown; as if asking question after question will somehow make sense of everything so that they can go out and live without any uncomfortable situations or slips.
I like these uncomfortable situations and slips - those are the places I've learned the most. I am more than happy to live my life just knowing the few words I've collected and letting the rest come to me as it will.
So I bite my tongue when these people ask their questions and content myself with the fact that there are 2 kinds and I am not their kind.