I didn’t have much energy today so rather than walking the distance from my culture classroom to the library I decided to walk the much shorter distance from the culture classroom to my economy/society classroom regardless of the fact that there’s an hour’s break between the two classes. The classrooms were colder today than I ever remember them being so I didn’t bother taking off my scarf or even unbuttoning my coat.
I used the time to reread the homework and the handouts from the previous class, which took a whole fifteen minutes. Twenty minutes before the class was scheduled to start the professor walked into the class to tape up the map of Europe she continually points to during her lectures. Being the only person in the classroom at this time, I was forced to talk with her while she taped.
Thankfully we mostly stuck to those casual gestures of conversation – Ça va? Oui, ça va – et vous? Oui. Ton weekend? Bien, et le votre? Bien.
For the most part I am happy with conversations like these. The questions whose responses are automatic reveal nothing of the self and make it that much easier to forget the person once their face and name have faded from my memory.
When it seemed the conversation was done, I went back to starting vacantly around the room and trying to bury myself deeper into the warmth of my coat.
The prof began talking to me again, still busy applying tape to the top of her poster. She told me that I should really try to talk more to work on my speaking skills even though she could tell I was reserved and it might go against my nature.
My nature. Just what is my nature?
In the classroom my nature seems to be silence. Not because I don’t have ideas or options about what is being discussed. No, I just don’t really see the point in always sharing them – I mean, does my opinion on the purpose of the European Union really mean anything in the grand scheme of things? Probably not. I am more content to just sit and listen. Absorb.
I said the only words I could think of: J’essayerai. I will try.
The answer seemed to be enough and she soon left the room. I began to breathe normally again and let my eyes wander until I noticed a sticker on the back of a chair. Since I normally come into class just before it begins, the sticker has always been covered up by someone’s coat or bag. Today it just stared at me, it’s one eye a beacon.
Ten minutes later people began to wander into the classroom and the sticker was soon covered up. During class I made a few brief efforts to talk. And when I was silent my mind continually went back to the words: my nature.
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