Last night I ended up going with some friends over to Ziming's apartment to help her finish the leftovers from her party last Saturday night and as the salad was being passed around, Ziming looked at me and asked, "So what have you lost, Cole?" She must have read my face because she immediately clarified that at the beginning of the semester she had found me very energetic and interested in classes but now I was neither of those.
So I guess it's that obvious.
But I didn't know how to explain this to her, didn't want to explain this to her. I settled for an uneasy truth: I'm just really tired; I haven't been sleeping well. The topic was quickly abandoned in favor of another and I began to breathe a little bit easier.
In truth, I have been thinking about that question ever since it was first asked at last night's party: Just what have I lost? And every time I ask myself this question I feel a dull ache in my chest.
I fear I have lost many somethings since first arriving here. But I am good at living without parts of myself; I see no reason why now that should be any different.
So I guess it's that obvious.
But I didn't know how to explain this to her, didn't want to explain this to her. I settled for an uneasy truth: I'm just really tired; I haven't been sleeping well. The topic was quickly abandoned in favor of another and I began to breathe a little bit easier.
In truth, I have been thinking about that question ever since it was first asked at last night's party: Just what have I lost? And every time I ask myself this question I feel a dull ache in my chest.
I fear I have lost many somethings since first arriving here. But I am good at living without parts of myself; I see no reason why now that should be any different.
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